Maybe now
by GothicAngel09
Summary: Rayford POV during different situations in the series.
1. After the Rapture

Hello! Here I am again!! This one is really short too, but its Rayford's POV, right after the Rapture.  
  
Today, I lost my whole world. My wife and son, possibly, my sanity. They just... disappeared. I know what happened to them though, or at least, what their view was. I'm not sure if I'm ready to accept it yet. I'm so tired of all those pushy "Jesus" people, but right now that's the only thing that seems to make any sense. Or maybe I just *want* it too. I don't know anymore. Maybe I should check out that church that Irene and Raymie used to go to. I've been there sometimes, what was the name of it... hmm... oh yeah, New Hope. But what if it's just a waste of time? Maybe that God of theirs offers no second chances. Hmm... its not like I wouldn't deserve it, I haven't exactly been the best husband or father I could have been. Do I even have a reason to stay alive? Wait... Chloe... my daughter. My only family now. How could I even think of suicide when I'd have to leave her behind? Though I loved Raymie to pieces, Chloe was her father's daughter. She was so much like me, which I'm sure contributes to her still being here, if Irene was right. And I'm beginning to be convinced she was. Maybe I *will* try that church. And if there's still a chance to come to God, I might just listen now.  
  
Please review!! (Andthank u for all the reviews I got for "Why?" I feel so loved!!^_^) 


	2. Amanda

Hello again! I have decided to make this a continuing story instead of a oneshot(I've been doing that with a lot of my fics lately... hmm....I should just give up writing them, they never stay oneshots, but.. anyway..)  
  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed the 1st chapter: @ Miyo 86: Thank you!!^_^ @ Belldandy-2004: Thank u for putting me on your favs list! That meant a lot!! ^_^ @ Laura: Thank you for the review and the idea to keep this going! I dedicate this chapter to you! ^_^  
  
*I do not own Left Behind*  
  
Amanda... I can remember the first time I met her. It was at church, and I really didn't think that much about it. I had been, after all, still exhausted from a flight I had gotten back from earlier that week. It doesn't help any that my job is to ferry around the Antichrist wherever he wants to go. I wasn't happy about leaving PanCon either. I know I'm in a great position to help believers but still... So I had been none too happy to be sociable that morning. All I wanted was to get home. But even in my current state, I couldn't deny that I saw something in Amanda. Tall and handsome, she seemed to radiate confidence. And yet she had a heart of gold, with a servant' attitude to match, of which I saw a great deal of as I got to know her better. I began, even though it was only from afar, to become very attracted to her. And yet, for almost a year, I still kept my distance, being only cordial and friendly, and yet somehow, that friendliness eventually turned into admiration. Which in turn, eventually turned into love. I knew that I had it bad for her, when, after only a day or two apart I began to miss her terribly. And the proposal... it couldn't have been more perfect. Amanda had been hard at work, and not in the best of moods. I loved how excited she got, and to see that beautiful smile on her face.... it all worked out wonderfully. But our happiness was not fated to last...  
  
Please review! ^_^ All of these will kinda be short for a while b/c it has been *so* long since I've read these first few, that its hard to get into the mind of the character. But it should get longer as I go along. I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to do, at least one for every book, or maybe two ...or three... ^_^ Anyway, until next time! 


	3. Growing Rage

Hello! I'm sorry this update is so long in coming. I could give you lots of reasons, but I'll just get to the chapter.  
  
Thank you to all my Ch2 reviewers!! Miyo86 Blond Archer  
And in my replies last chapter I put "Lauren" as "Laura." I'm sorry!  
  
This chapter is based from Assassins, and I do not own Left Behind.

There's no way to describe the rage I feel. I've been through do much and I don't think I  
  
can take any more. How much is one human supposed to endure? I know the Lord said  
  
that he would never try us more than we are able, but sometimes that's hard to believe. I  
  
nightly go through a list of those we've lost, and as the list gets longer, it only makes me  
  
angrier. How is it that we have lost so much? I know that it is our fault that we are still  
  
here on this earth, but when is enough going to be enough? My logic reasoning kicks in,  
  
but I push it away. All of these thoughts of vengeance run through my mind and I don't  
  
want these thoughts to go away yet. I've begun to plan and place myself at the right time  
  
and place to be Carpathia's assassin. I know that its wrong, and I know that the others  
  
would try to talk me out of it if I told them, but I just want to think on these thoughts a  
  
little longer. What if it is my destiny? How can I tell? How will I know what is my own  
  
emotions and what is God's voice guiding me? I'll just be there at the right place and if  
  
the Lord wants me to be the one... could I really do it? I've thought about it and planned  
  
it, but if the time came, if it really came down to it, could I really pull the trigger?  
  
Carpathia has hurt and killed so many; he deserves to die a horrible death, even though he  
  
Will come back to life. But can I really kill? You know, I haven't even thought to  
  
seriously pray in weeks. What has happened to me? Right after I got saved, I felt such a  
  
hunger and thirst for his Word. Now, I feel it's a chore. This rage has consumed me, and I  
  
haven't had the strength or the desire to send these feelings away. So its grown, and now  
  
I can no longer control the thoughts that plague me. Will I be the one to kill Carpathia? I  
  
don't know. But I will continue to plan and position myself, and if God directs me, I'll be  
  
there to do the job.Please review! (It's so easy and it only takes a minute and it brightens my day! ) 


	4. Chloe

Chloe... my daughter. Father God, why? Why must you take away my only family, and  
  
and so close to the end? Jesus, there are many things I do not understand, but I believe in  
  
you and trust you. You're timing is perfect, and though this tears me apart, I give it all to  
  
you. Chloe, my dear, I miss you but I know you wouldn't want to come back, even if you  
  
could. You are reunited with your mom and Raymie. I'm sure they were so happy to see  
  
you there. Were they surprised? I'm sure Irene will be real surprised to see me there. I  
  
can't wait. I was so ashamed when you were left behind because of my arrogance and  
  
pride. You were so much like me, a little too like me, and the guilt of that hurt me so  
  
badly. The day that you were saved was the happiest of my life. I was so relieved and  
  
overjoyed, I couldn't and still can't fully explain how I felt that day. God used you so  
  
much in these last days, and many people are still alive because of you. I miss you so  
  
much Chloe, but I'll see you soon. And I can't wait for that reunion.  
  
A/N: I know this is really short, sorry! Please(still) review! 


	5. Glorious End

Wow....its been way too long!Sorry!Here's Chapter 5,which is the last chapter,btw.It is set in the book,Glorious Appearing,right before the cross appears.Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed!

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It's been dark for two hours now. I can't imagine how restless everyone's getting,waiting outside in the blackness. All waiting for the big event.I'm anxious too,I can't wait for all this to be over.I'm going to be pretty lonely here,waiting for the Lord's return all by myself.Of course when He comes,I'll have more company than I can deal with.Wait....what was that?It sure is bright,whatever it is.Hold on...its a cross!Oh God...its amazing.I've never seen anything like it.This is the sign of the Son of Man,set where everyone can see. And yet,I can feel it in my heart,pulsing....searing.Yet wonderfully personal and comforting.And in that moment I felt something else too.Or rather,it was what I /didn't/ feel.The pain was gone!I've been healed!I can't believe this,and yet,why shouldn't I?God has been so faithful and now,its time for action.Mac's wantin to stay and fight,but is that really necessary?Nicolae's forces have,so far,been unsuccessful.Why would the Lord stop now?I wanna be out somewhere,where I can get a clear view.I think I'll ask Sebastian for his advice.Well....whata you know?He doesn't even need us.But why should that surprise me?I'm going in.

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Please review!(I know this isn't the best I've ever written and I'm really sorry about that,but I'm trying to end as many stories as are close to being done cause school is about to start up and I don't want so much on my plate.)Okay,my ranting and excuses are done now.Please review on your way out and thanks for stopping by! 


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